As A Man, What Do You Do When The Sex Stops?
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As A Man, What Do You Do When The Sex Stops?

An insight into why intimacy and sex slows down and may stop all together as a relationship evolve with time.

Life takes funny little turns all the time.  Relationships play out much the same way life does.  One can usually depend on a few curve balls being thrown their way all the time.  As our lives evolve, so to do our relationships.  In the beginning, things were crystal clear as to where they were heading and we loved the idea.  The two of you shared everything... ambitions, dreams, hidden fears; physically you gave each other all of yourselves.  No, it really doesn't get much better in life than instant emotional, intellectual and physical attraction.  The first time and every time after you could swear in those moments that you glimpse heaven or at least feel what it must be like in heaven.  You couldn't get enough of each other, right here right now is all that matters; everything else fades to the background.  You never got tired of the wonderful journey you took on what was almost a nightly, daily and some times even 2 or 3 times a day.  After a while, things took a sharp left into uncharted territory for the both of you.  It wasn't noticeable right away how sex began to slow down.  One night it became painfully obvious that you hadn't had sex for 3 weeks!  Then it was a month, next it was 2 months.  What happened?  Why are we not as sexual with each other as we used to be?  When did the sex come to a complete and abrupt stop?

To understand why sex stops in a relationship in the first place doesn't take a Ph.D. in sexual health.  It's much, much more simple than that.  The view on sex and its roll within a relationship differ greatly between men and women.  These differences often times tend to cause a certain amount of tension and strain furthering the drought.  Sometimes the differences are glaringly obvious and other times they are so far below the surface that no one even knew they were there in the first place. To know and understand these differences can perhaps help fix the issue that you never thought you'd find yourself in.  It is never easy to bring these issues to the fore front due to offenses being taken or words being taken wrong on the other end.  Its either a lose, win situation or a lose, lose situation but rarely a win, win situation.  You take your chances either way.

If you're a woman reading this, play close attention, maybe this will help you understand your boyfriend or husbands mind a little easier.  For as laid back and confident as he is, there are still insecurities floating just under the surface.  You can liken this to the duck on the pond; everything is calm on the surface, under the water though... those little feet are moving a mile a second.  Men are very uncomplicated creatures, they really are.  You can ask just about any guy what they want out of a relationship and the replies will pretty much be the same.  For the sake of this article we will focus on the mans expectations of sex.  The majority of men will tell you that all they expect is sex on regular constant basis; no more no less.  Give a man his way and sex will comprise the whole evening and parts of the day.  On a deeper and more primal level this is what men are, sexual creatures.  At the basic cellular level, it is the drive to procreate that makes men seek out sex either with one partner or multiple partners.  On the more complex level that makes us human comes the emotional aspect of what makes sex just as important as everything else that makes a relationship.  Men see sex as the physical manifestation of loyalty.  What is a man supposed to think when his mate suddenly doesn't want to have sex with him anymore?  His mind wanders, he begins to think she must be having sex with another man, even though this may not even be the case.  He begins to think that she must not be physically attracted to him anymore, even though this may not be the case.  He cannot read her mind, he may not ask her what's wrong and if he does he may not get a logical or acceptable answer to his mind.  He is left to decide on his own what is wrong and why all of a sudden there is no more sex.  This becomes a problem as he no longer feels adequate.  He begins to imagine things that aren't there or don't really exist or aren't happening in reality.  It can safely be said that for a man, sex in a relationship ranks near the top of the list of things to have in a relationship.

Men, listen up, throw away whatever you think you might know about women.  Yes women are complicated.  Yes women can confuse you so badly that you no longer can tell which way is up.  However, women aren't that different from men; they want what they want when they want it.  There are a multitude of reasons why her sex drive may have plummeted to zero.  As a man, it is very easy to get so caught up in your own needs and wants that you don't realize that there is another person involved in this relationship.  The general rule is that women control every aspect of a relationship and any man that thinks otherwise is merely fooling himself.  When it comes to sex, it most always comes on her terms.  What the overwhelming majority of men fail to realize is that he may always be in the mood; that does not mean she is.  You, as a man, do not control this and you never will.  A womans view on sex stems from what she has been conditioned to understand is the meaning of a relationship.  There are usually always outside forces working on your significant others sex drive.  Stress can play a very important role in a womans libido, if she is stressed out constantly your chances of getting lucky decrease significantly.  When a woman feels not so sexy she does not feel very sexual.  The number of reasons in her mind as to why she doesn't feel like having sex are as varied and numerous as the stars in the night sky.  It is incumbent on you to recognize these signs and work to fix them.

What do you do as a man when the sex stops?  Well thats up to you and how you choose to handle the issue.  At the end of the day, all you really can do is be the best man to her that you can be.  Stress and other factors will always be hanging around and they can't be escaped.  You can make sure that she knows that no matter; you are hers and she is yours, that alone is all you need.  Walk a mile in her shoes and understand her feelings and thoughts.  She is only human just as you are only human.  She must know that you have nothing but good intentions and you plan to stick around for the long haul.  Do this, and you may be surprised as to where those little things can take you.

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