How to Have Sex? A Guide to the Basics of Good Sex
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How to Have Sex? A Guide to the Basics of Good Sex

There are many ways to have great sex and this article will show you how. Communicating and listening to your partner is very important and there are many other helpful tips to have great sex.

So you're going to have sex and soon. Good for you. Sex can be an absolutely fantastic sensual experience and, if done right, a fantastic experience you may get to enjoy with your partner repeatedly. But how can you ensure that you're doing it right? Like most things you do, you will get better at having sex with a specific partner with practice. Over time you will get to feel more comfortable with them, learn what they like and dislike and feel more free to explore sexual possibilities.

Like the old saying says, you don't become a great lover by having sex with a thousand partners, you become a great lover by having sex with one partner a thousand times. This is great news - because it means that if you're really committed to being a great lover but also interested in a variety of partners you'll have to have sex literally thousands and thousands of times! Now that's something to look forward to. With that said there are some things that you really should know and be prepared for in advance before embarking on this sexual marathon. If understood and applied properly the following list of sex life tips can shoot you to the head of the "great lovers 101" class.

Safety: STD's - First and foremost you have to know that being safe is essential. You have to take responsibility for your own sexual health. STDs are common in partners of all ages. Some partners may carry an STD and not even know it or show any visible signs or symptoms that one is present. STDs are dangerous and can cause irreversible damage to your health, cause pain and discomfort and in some cases lead to death. There are simple things you can do to lower your risk of contracting an STD. I recommend getting as much information as possible on STD prevention so you can take all the necessary steps to protect your self and your partner before having sex. That's easy to do too, simply type STD prevention into any search engine. At a minimum, whether you're male or female, always have condoms available in situations where sex might take place.

Pregnancy - I'm going to venture to guess that a lot of you want to have sex because it's fun and it makes you feel really, really good. I'll further guess that many of you feel physically compelled almost beyond control to get on with it - like NOW. That's cool and totally normal, but remember that those urges are your bodies way of getting you to procreate - an often unwelcome side effect of sex having. If you are not interested getting or making someone pregnant then you must take all the precautions necessary to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I recommend learning as much as possible about contraceptives so that you can apply the type that's right for you before you have sex. Why is safety an important part of having good sex? Because when you're not distracted by worry and fear you can lose yourself in the fun and pleasure of your sexual experience. Distraction and worry are mood killers that do not make for very sexy times. Deal with these responsibilities in advance and then dive into your sex with abandon and passion - worry free.

Hygiene: Simply put it helps to be clean and fresh when having sex. Why is Hygiene an important part of having good sex? Studies have shown that partners of both sexes prefer their partners are freshly showered, shaved and clean prior to intimacy. Clean your teeth, swish some breathe freshener and wear some deodorant. If you think your partner would like it put on a hint (read - small amount) of fragrance and make sure your clothes are clean and tidy. Being clean and odor free improves the sexual comfort and thereby response of your partner and will help prevent self consciousness about unnecessary odor, stains, torn undies, etc. Your partner wants a clean lover as much as you do. You also want to be as confident and self assured as possible during sex - so scrub up.

Test your tools: The role of masturbation - Part of being a good lover is knowing what you like and what feels good to you. Everyone is responsible for their own orgasm which means you have to both know what will get you there and how to help your partner wiggle and writhe in ways that bring it home. A good way to learn these things is by masturbating. Take some time out by yourself to figure out what it is that physically and mentally that makes you have an orgasm.

Keep a mental note and use that knowledge during sex with a partner. Why is knowing what makes you have an orgasm is an important part of having good sex? Knowing what you like and being able to find ways to incorporate those things into the sex you're having with your partner means you'll be more satisfied with your sex more of the time. Additionally, when your partner sees that you're enjoying yourself and are satisfied with the sex that you're having together they will feel a sense of ease and sexual confidence - both good feelings to encourage if you're looking to have good sex.

Communication: Creating an open and accepting environment where you and your partner can feel safe and comfortable discussing what you want and don't want from your sex is crucial. Why? Diving into sex without the foggiest idea about what your partner likes and dislikes is like trying to play a song without the ability to read music. Sure you can try and play it by ear but it really helps if you know what strings to pluck, keys to press and horns to blow when in advance. It's one thing to know what you do and don't want from the sex your planning to have but if you and your lover have not created an environment where you can share those desires with each other you'll both find sex less satisfying or worse, frustrating.

I mentioned masturbation above as a good way to learn about your self. Spending some time masturbating together with your partner is a great (and safe) way to learn what they like and want between the sheets. It also opens the communication channels to wide open - which I think you'll find is a very good thing. As you become more and more comfortable communicating your desires with your partner I think you'll find that old ideas and assumptions about what they would and would not want to do or try are blown out of the water. Most people have fantasies and sexual desires that they want to explore but need to know they can share them safely and openly without being embarrassed or judged.


Willingness to learn: When planning to have sex one of the most important things you can prepare in advance is you own mind. An open mind ready to learn and explore is crucial if you are to become a great lover. You'll never have so much sexual experience that you have nothing left to learn. But why? The reason for this is to understand. Every person likes and wants different things. Moreover, what they like and want will change and evolves over time. You can simply never know what a partner wants all the time.

It is for this reason that you have to enter every sexual experience with the open mind of a student. The worst thing you can do is start to believe that you're the world's best lover and that there is nothing you have left to learn. This will simply lead to one sided sexual performances where partners will feel more like a stage on which you're doing your show than your lover. No one wants that.

Pay attention to the subtle cues your lover is giving you while having sex. Learn what their nuances and facial expressions mean. Focus on their body and it's movements in relationship to yours - synchronize and move with them. The better you can focus and direct you attention on the messages your lover is giving you the better you will be at learning what your lover needs and wants. Get that down and you'll be the best lover they've ever had.

Nerves are normal: Feeling nervous about the sex you're planning to have and in fact nerves leading up to and during sex are common and totally normal. But it's important that you find ways to get calm cool and collected. Trust - Being nervous about having sex is normal. Everyone, including your partner, gets nervous in sexual situations. Accepting that your own nervousness is normal and letting your partner know that it's OK to feel that way too will go a long way to creating trust. What's so important about trust in regards to sex? Well - when people are with people they trust they relax. Both men and women need to be at various levels of relaxation on order to achieve the arousal required to physically have good sex.

If you're anxious it is more likely that your body's normal erotic responses will misfire - leading to less than stellar sex for everyone involved. Setting - Taking the time to find a place to have sex that is clean, tidy and feels safe is crucial to enjoying the sex you're going to have. Why? Because the last thing you want is to find that your setting is contributing to feelings of discomfort and nervousness.

Knowing that no one is going to come barging in, that the space you'll being having sex in is clean and that you can be there as long as it takes without interruption will contribute to feelings of relaxation. Have a few chilled bottles of water handy and adjust the lighting so that you each feel at ease. Foreplay - Spend some time exploring each others bodies before leaping into penetrative sex. This helps to increase sexual desire and builds and provides time to relax and let the good feeling carry each of you away from fearful things and into a more pleasurable and sensual space.

Lubrication: When it is time to have penetrative sex make sure you and your partner are well lubricated. Many women don't naturally become as lubricated as others ad even if their lubrication levels are normal size issues may interfere with comfort. It's always a good to have a tube or bottle of sexual lubricant with you. This is a situation where the more slippery things get the better. Dry or partly dry sex is not good for anyone involved and can be very uncomfortable - even painful - for your partner. Lube up!

Don't rush: Take your time. You want the good times to last as long as possible. You're not limited to one orgasm. Men and women are capable of having many orgasms in a given time. Set aside enough time for sex that you can find out just how many each of you are capable of. Take responsibility for your own orgasms and don't feel or create any pressure to reach climax quickly or at all.

Let things unfold as they would naturally. Men often worry that they won't last long enough and be branded a "minute man" but guys - you don't have to worry. There are a few things you should keep in mind when worried about how long you'll last. Guys, if you find your first orgasm comes quickly that's OK. You should know that once a man has an orgasm depending on his age and his level of desire he can get another erection as quickly as immediately to as long as 30 minutes later. Tell your partner that he or she has made you very aroused and that if they'll wait a few minutes you'll return the favor.

What's good to know about this second erection is that it's been through an orgasm already and as such is less sensitive (as is your whole body and mind) to the sometimes overwhelming sexiness of your mate and the experience. You can expect that erection number two will last much longer than the first.

If you're really not satisfied with that answer to the timing problem then take this information and apply it creatively - if you know you may be having sex today or this evening and you're concerned about the length of your performance - then an hour before you meet your partner masturbate to orgasm. It will have the same effect. Take your time and allow for sex to happen at it's on pace. It doesn't have to be a specific amount of time. Sometimes short and sweet will do the trick and other times you'll stay in bed all weekend. Let things unfold as they will.

After words: You've had sex, now what do you do? Take some time and just appreciate what just happened. Lay there with your partner and catch your breathe and revel in the wonderful feelings that are washing over you. Allow some time to lay there together sharing the high or afterglow that accompanies good sex. After a time share a glass of water and get refreshed together.

Tell your partner how they made you feel and how good you think it was. Tell them how much desire you have had for them and that you enjoy their body and their company. Relax and stretch and hold your partner. Thank them too. Applying this simple knowledge can help to make you a more confident, open, attentive partner and will accelerate your progress and ensure that you have life full of good sex with your lovers. Did I miss anything? Share your own ideas about sex and how it's best done in the comments below. I'll try and respond to as many as I can.


After all is said here, I cannot stress enough the importance of communicating with each other. When young, that seems to be the one missing ingredient at times. Sometimes sex goes so fast, couples forget to talk.

Telling each other how you like this or that type of sex is very important. It is always equally important to be able to listen to your partner. When he or she says, I want it softer or harder or this way, you must listen and never be offended by your partner’s suggestions. In reality, hearing your partner tell you how they want this or that, is actually very sexy and builds closeness.

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Comments (11)

Oh TinyDoor! Thank you for mentioning the STD portion of the program....a real consideration BEFORE the act! YAY! Good one! Keep 'em coming from BC! U SO ROCK CHICKIE! :o) I like your writing. U R a Thinker. "A"

Between this article and the one on Boobs, maybe Factoidz will change it's name to Sextoidz.

Well Done!

lol @marie :) nice article :)

Hannah Kove

I love to have sex! Yay

Ranked #30 in Intimacy & Sex

Thanks for kind words gang...I'm going to be contributing more on this subject shortly.

angel sunshine mcqueen

I love sex plase put nice sex

communication is very important in a relationship especially when a couple is having sex. it is but right to let the partner know what or what does not satisfy you. it is imperative to tell how satisfied you are after the sex act.

can there be any way to avoid sex if u are already an adict

You have really given a new spin on the topic. I was anticipating the technique of having sex but you have given a wider perspective because it is really all this that you have said and more. I especially like what you said about the one partner and I agree with you.

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