How to Negotiate Mutually Agreeable Places to Have Sex with a New Lover
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How to Negotiate Mutually Agreeable Places to Have Sex with a New Lover

Where you choose to have sex can be telling. Knowing how to negotiate a mutually agreeable love-nest pays dividends.

          My younger brother pulls up to my suburban home and, to his irritation, finds me still there. (I was supposed to be out until after dawn.) His new girlfriend, chewing gum, hangs behind. “You’re supposed to be out!” he hisses and swears. I apologize and leave him with the option to get a room. He drives away, and to my surprise, is back in a little under half an hour looking flustered.“Problem?” I say.

          “I tried to have sex her in the car,” he mumbles. “She asked me what kind of girl I thought she was and screamed for me to take her home. …Who the (blank) she thinks she is?” 

          “I don’t think it has anything to do with her thinking she’s anything,” I say. “She probably just hates making out in the backseats of cars.”

          He ‘whatevers’ me and heads to the bathroom.

          Think about it for a minute. … Wouldn’t it have made sense for him to have pre-negotiated with that girl about places where she would and would not have sex? Things might have turned out more agreeable.

          So let’s talk about how to negotiate with an intended sex partner over where you would and would not have sex.

For the verbal you:

          Ask: “Are there places where you would and would not have sex?” Trust me; you’ll get answers. And then the question will be flipped right back to you. Be honest in your answers; only the unblemished truth will work here. I guarantee you that a seemingly casual conversation on the topic will follow. But it will only appear casual on the surface; on a deeper level it will be a dance in which you’ll discover intimate keys to one another. When the music ends, each would be saved from leading the other to a love nest that is not mutually appreciated.

For the non-verbal you:

          Okay, you’re not so much the verbal type, but you get a big thrill from making out in planes, trains, and automobiles. How, then, would you initiate a conversation like the one above? Simple: Show your intended sex partner a video with a couple is making out in the backseat of a car or in an airplane’s toilet, and then ask what she/he thinks? If you get a, “Cool!” mixed with laughter, it can be an indication that your kind of places might also okay with her/him. If, on the other hand, you get a distasteful face; you’re forewarned.

And then it’ll be Negotiation time:

          Let the goal of your negotiations be a comfortable middle ground. If, for example, you’re keyed on making love in public toilets and your intended would only consent to making love in a clean hotel room, you might consider asking if she/he might agree having sex in the hotel room’s toilet. In the end, it may be the beginning of beautiful sexual relationship instead of a sparked conflict that leaves someone heading home for a cold shower.

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