My Boyfriend Avoids Sex. He's Often Reluctant to Make Love.
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My Boyfriend Avoids Sex. He's Often Reluctant to Make Love.

What are the reasons for this? What causes normal guys to aovid sex?

Asked on May 14, 2010Improve / edit this question

20 Answers

Dr. Johnson C Philip   L4: Guide   412 answers   +299 votes
This answer has +2 votes  by

Since you have used the term "Boyfriend" I assume you are unmarried. In that case

1. His moral upbringing, or moral standard, might be preventing him from indulging freely in sex before marriage.

2. He might be a person of low libido

3. He might not have reqlized that you are interested in, or ready for, more frequent sex.

Posted on May 14, 2010
Katie   L2: Contributor   281 answers   +197 votes
This answer has +3 votes  by Epic Strategist

Examine your relationship, too; perhaps he is not as committed as you are, and his reluctance is a way of telling you so.

Posted on May 14, 2010
Cherie Durbin   L2: Contributor   88 answers   +39 votes
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He might have trouble getting an erection.

Posted on May 14, 2010
Jessie Agudo   L5: Authority   177 answers   +99 votes
This answer has +1 votes  by

He doesn't want you to get pregnant and maybe he is not yet prepare to support a family.

Posted on May 17, 2010
Megan Sheldon   L3: Expert   79 answers   +81 votes
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Some men avoid sex when they're stressed, tired, disinterested, or have physical problems.  You should try to discuss the issue with him to see if you can get some information, and make sure to let him know very clearly that you'd like to have sex more often.  Is your relationship an active one (meaning are you two committed and communicative to each other)?  You may also find that if your boyfriend isn't physically active he may be more lackadaisical than what is normal.  More exercise might help.


Good luck!

Posted on May 19, 2010
Christine Gapuz   L3: Expert   53 answers   +29 votes
This answer has +2 votes  by Epic Strategist

Meeting men who are not that into sex is always surprising. But indeed, there are guys who will not jump into bed in a snap.

Evaluate first whether your boyfriend has always been non-physical. It could be a cultural thing or a result of some trauma.

Your boyfriend may also be of the low libido type. Physical and emotional stress cause drops in libido, making a guy less capable of feeling desire and even satisfying it.

It is also possible that a sexual experience in the past has made him avert the activity.

Talk to him about your feelings and concerns. Sex is a crucial aaspect of a relationship since it is an intimate expression of love and attraction between two people. Tell him why it is important to you to have sex and how you also want him to appreciate and be happy with this consummation of your love for each other.

Posted on Aug 4, 2010
Antonio Imperial   L3: Expert   38 answers   +18 votes
This answer has +3 votes  by Epic Strategist

1. Simple Fear of Pregnancy

 2. He may say to himself that he may not be good enough to bed with you. Thinking that he only wants companionship, not rolling in the hay.

 3. He has limitations and ...

 4. He's just being sure and he may believe in a "Fairy Tale" kind of relationship.

Posted on Aug 5, 2010
Chris Bucklin   L2: Contributor   15 answers   +2 votes
This answer has +2 votes  by

It could be a number of things,

1. Fear of pregnancy (use birth control to ease that tension)

2. He may have low self esteem of his size (reassure him even if its a lie)

3. He may not like your self appearence or the way you dress (work out, buy special outfits just for that time)

4. He may believe in waiting till marriage (respect that or talk to him about it)

5. He may think that your just asking because you have too (reassure him that you want too)

6. He may just simply not know that you want too and is trying to respect your personal boundarys.

Whatever it is just talk to him about it and discuss things. Or spice up your love life.

                Good luck hope you get some. :)

Posted on Aug 9, 2010
James London   L2: Contributor   42 answers   +38 votes
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he's gay.  just kidding.  it could be a TON of reasons, why don't you just approach him respectfully and honestly about it?  he knows more about his lust than any stranger online can tell you.  ultimately an open conversation will help your relationship.

Posted on Aug 11, 2010
Lauren Kattuah   L3: Expert   41 answers   +18 votes
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it could be many reasons.  You really have to ask him.

Posted on Sep 2, 2010
Lauren Kattuah   L3: Expert   41 answers   +18 votes
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Actually, I take that back. Now that I see you are not married, you should not be asking for or giving this man sex at all.

Not unless you have a commitment for marriage, do not give your sex for free. As well, he should be pursuing you...not you pursuing him.  You've never seen an egg chase a sperm before, have you?  Your relationship is backwards.  As much as you may love him or be bio-chemically bonded to him, you must not contact him or initiate any communication with him.  be passive and feminine, and maybe within 8 weeks he will come around.  Then when he does, keep your legs crossed and tell him you made a promise to yourself to not have sex unless you're honored with an engagement ring.  Let him honor you with a commitment first.



Posted on Sep 2, 2010
Peter Bilton   L5: Authority   24 answers   +18 votes
This answer has +1 votes  by

You didn't mention your boy freinds age or how long you have been together. I believe this is most likely an emotional problem and by the sound of your question things were fine between the both of you until recently. It may be that your boy freind has something on his mind thats bothering him that he dosn't want to discuss with you. If he cannot get an erection for some reason he probabley feels embarressed and avoids sex which makes you unhappy, which feeds his anxiety and so on. You need to be patient and talk the matter over, in time it will take care of itsself.        

Posted on Sep 2, 2010
Natalie Begil   L2: Contributor   183 answers   +67 votes
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There can be many reasons that a man would avoid having sex with his partner. Pregnancy, problems in his male regions or even stress.  If a man is very stressed about something or just simply very tired, he is not going to be as willing or excited about having any kind of intamacy.  It also be that maybe he is or has been with someone else, I hate to say that, but it is very possible. You need to make him sit down with you and discuss your feelings about the situation and get his input on the subject.  It may be something that you and him both can work through, or it may be time to move on for you and him both.


Posted on Sep 2, 2010
Londis Carpenter   L4: Guide   15 answers   +19 votes
This answer has +1 votes  by

could be a personal hygene thing.  Guys avoid sex if there are bad odors associated with it.

Posted on Sep 2, 2010
Lani Breckman   L2: Contributor   8 answers   +8 votes
This answer has +3 votes  by Epic Strategist

I have read all the responses which indicate the possible reasons as to why your boyfriend is avoiding sex with you. One thing I find interesting is that no one has mentioned maybe he's getting it somewhere else. In my experience, I have found that men lose interest in intimacy when the relationship has reached a milestone. In other words, if you have been together for a while, it's time to "spice" things up to get that fire going again. Problems in the relationship could have driven him into the arms of another woman. Once that happens, it's difficult to get that desire for you and only you back. Ask yourself, are you taking care of yourself? Do you still feel you attractive to him, Is there an underlying problem in the relationship that hasn't come to the forefront? Does he seem to cringe every time you go to touch hime? These are questions that need to be answered. Simply talking to him about will not work. Although communication is key, he's not going to divy that kind of info free handedly. My advice is to look at your relationship with an open mind and seriously consider if he's sleeping with someone else. Once that scenario is ruled out then you can proceed to the next evaluation until you get to the root of the problem. Consider this approach as "process by elimination"

Posted on Sep 7, 2010
Jim Rich   L1: Member   19 answers   +1 votes
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I'd say the real question is: How do you get him to open up and share his concerns, fears and issues with you so a solution can be reached.   Since sex is a two way event, you need to get his responses and communications as well as yours on this to find a SOLUTION you both can live with.

Posted on Jan 8, 2011
Karen Stephenson   L2: Contributor   3 answers   +0 votes
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I don't the the situation - but could there be possible religious reasons? I know Catholics are technically not supposed to have sex outside of a marriage...yet of course many do...but some of those even that they do struggle.

Posted on Jan 8, 2011
Ileen Zovluck   L4: Guide   130 answers   +186 votes
This answer has +2 votes  by Epic Strategist

Back to Lauren - I don't understand the whole sex as a lead-in to marriage thing,  A ring is the pricetag on sex?  I've never been married, don't want to be married, I am well over 40 and have had sex more times than once.  I had no goals for marriage or jewelry, and honestly, I can buy my own jewelry and commitment and have a no risk relationship with myself and still have sex with men.  In your opinion, why would I be in a better position if I were married?  Personally, I've seen too many men (the ones who's sperm follow the eggs) beat the living daylights out of their wives, rob and steal from them, abuse their children, all with the sacred agreement of marriage.  I am not Catholic, so there is no spiritual conflict, there.  Given all that, why should marriage have any influence my sexual practices?

Posted on Jan 9, 2011
angel cool   L2: Contributor   48 answers   +13 votes
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Posted on Apr 19, 2012
Epic Strategist   L3: Expert   219 answers   +46 votes
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I've written an article in response to this question:

Advice for Women - Men Who Avoid or Lack Interest in Sex

There comes a time in many of our lives, when we realize that we have a desire for more physical affection then our male counterparts. Society plays upon and dramatizes the lustful nature of masculine energy and makes it seem like men should be lapping it up if we're giving it freely. Yet, it seems like there are some men (whom may be encountered in long-term and short term relationships) who just don't appear to have any serious interest in super-sensual encounters. — continue reading...

Posted on Apr 25, 2012

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